No-one is harder on you than you are.
If you’re like many of my public speaking coaching or life coaching clients, you beat yourselves up with negative self-talk that can keep you stuck and stalled in your life, your work, and in your speeches and presentations.This negative self-talk, sometimes known as “Monkey Chatter,” is fear in the guise of useless old messages, delivered by what I imagine to be little gremlins sitting on your shoulders, hissing nasty negative statements into your ears. We all have a customized set of these nasty little gremlins yakking negativcely away at us at the most inopportune moments. If we want to lead out with our best selves, we must learn to show our little gremlins who's in charge, by shushing them up and rendering them ineffective.
To help my coaching clients silence their overactive inner judgers, I suggest the following approach. First, I challenge them to befriend the enemy by giving their gremlins a name (I call mine “Moe and Shmoe”). Then I suggest they make a list of everything their gremlins tend to say– like “Everybody knows you’re a fake” and “people can tell you’re nervous.”
Then I ask them to turn those negative remarks around into more useful, positive affirmations like “I am authentically accomplished and know exactly what it is I am meant to say” and “I am totally relaxed and comfortable in this very moment.” We accomplish so much more when our self talk is kind, supportive and positive!
Lately, I’ve been asking my clients to take that positive self-talk one step further, by shaping their affirrmations into cohesive piece I call a Personal Manifesto. A personal manifesto is a declaration of self (who you are at the core) or purpose (what you're here on this planet to do). It can be as long or as short as you like– a brief paragraph, a page, whatever works for you. The key is to write it it in the first person (“I”) and the present tense, as if what you have written is already a done deal.
Here's a very brief example of a manifesto: “I am a wise and wonderful child of the universe. I use my gifts and talents to uplift and elevate the people I am blessed to meet. I know my truth. I bring my best, most confident self to my work and to my words. Because I allow myself to breathe and be, I am relaxed and ready for whatever unfolds.” Remember, there is no “right” or “wrong” way to create a manifesto. It is reflection of your uniqueness. You'll know you've completed your manifesto to your liking when you read it out loud and it makes your heart sing.
A personal manifesto is a powerful tool that can help you take charge, take action and feel more alive in the given moment. Reading it to yourself (or, better yet, out loud) before a stressful event, presentation or personal interaction, can re-ignite your confidence, your mission and your passion. You can even take it a step further, by recording your manifesto and listening to it regularly. Help replace old, negative thoughts with new, more positive and useful ones by listening to your personal manifesto on a daily basis– particularly before you fall asleep when your brain is most receptive.Or choose to begin your day on a hopeful, positive note, by reading your manifesto out loud in the morning, as you brush your teeth, make coffee or drive to work.
Remember, your little nay-saying gremlins are not in charge: you are. So choose to give them the boot. Take the time to reframe your negative self-talk into positive affirmations; then shape those into a personal manifesto that can help you tackle challenging situations — on and off the speaking platform–with courage, calm and confidence.