I recently watched the movie Pretty Woman, starring Julia Roberts as a prostitute named Vivian who is ultimately saved from a life on the streets by her involvement with a wealthy man named Edward (played by Richard Gere). About halfway through the movie, as they laid in bed, Vivian told Edward how she’d been abused, bullied and essentially told she wasn’t worth a hill of beans, which had propelled her to becoming a call girl. Edward, convinced she could change and choose a different life, proceeded to point out her wonderful attributes (i.e. her smarts, her drive, ebullient personality, etc.). Vivian smiled rather sadly at his remarks. “The bad stuff is easier to believe,” she replied.
Ain’t that the truth! Too many of us hold very hard to beliefs that keep us from bringing our most vibrant selves to our lives, our work and our presentations.
I’m keenly aware of this general tendency to believe in the bad stuff. After all, the foundation of my coaching involves determining the limiting thoughts, beliefs and habits that are keeping my clients stuck or stopped, and replacing them with new, more useful ones. I’m always amazed at how much bad stuff people are willing to believe about themselves and how hard they’ll fight to hold on to it… even when faced with the realization that change can only come if they are willing to Believe in the Good Stuff.
Julia Roberts’ character was right: The bad stuff IS easier to believe. We tend to sink our teeth and nails into what’s familiar, even if it’s bad for us. But just because something is easier to believe doesn’t mean we have to keep believing it. Because the effort, will and commitment required to letting go of the bad stuff and believing in the good stuff can ultimately bring rich rewards.
Just ask my husband, Jim, who committed to a yoga practice five months ago. His first class left him demoralized and sore. “I’m not flexible at all,” he grumbled. “I’m too old to start doing this stuff.” But his commitment to his intention (to gain more flexibility, core strength and peace of mind thru yoga) kept him going to class twice a week, whether he really felt like it or not. Most importantly, he allowed himself to let go of some of his limiting beliefs and adopt new ones like “With each Yoga class I attend, I gain more flexibility and stamina” and “I found yoga at the perfect time in my life.” Now Jim refers proudly to his “Yoga Practice.” And just today, he declared his intention to practicing yoga for the rest of his life. I believe him, because he believes himself. He is the proud owner of his very own Yoga mat and can now do the Happy Baby posture without groaning, muttering under his breath or rolling his eyes. And all because he chose to stop believing the bad stuff and started believing the good stuff.
Are you willing to believe the good stuff that’s true about yourself or your circumstance? Or are you more likely to focus on the bad stuff because it’s easier to do so, or because it’s simply become a habit? Remember that focusing on the bad stuff, whatever it is, will just attract more of the same to you. Remember, too, that if you really want to make a change, you must first be willing to change; and you must believe that you can change. You must be willing to do whatever it takes to make your new, more positive beliefs and habits your default beliefs and habits. And that takes time, will, repetition and patience.
When a negative, self effacing belief lands on you like a heavy shroud (i.e.”I’m a lousy speaker and always will be”), you can choose to embrace it like an old friend, and let it help you stay stuck. Or, you can shrug it off and replace it with one that makes your heart sing: “I always speak to the best of my abilities, and learn and grow with each speaking opportunity.”
Make it a habit to Believe in the Good Stuff. Because when you do, you pave the way for real change—in yourself, and in the world around you.