Tariq was next on the list to give a presentation during my day-long training. He was nervous but excited. As soon as his feet hit the podium, he began speaking, spitting out a barrage of words. Within thirty seconds, he was gasping for breath. Meanwhile, we, the audience, were struggling to keep up and connect with him.
I stopped him mid-sentence.
“Tariq,” I said, “I want you to stand in silence for a moment so you can get your adrenaline under control. Quietly observe the emotions you’re experiencing. Ground yourself by feeling the floor under your feet. Inhale … exhale. Bring your breath into your belly. Good. Now,” I continued, “I want you to find one person in the audience, and look them in the eye. When you feel you’re genuinely connecting, eyeball to eyeball, heart to heart, then begin to speak. Connect first. Speak second. That’s the rule.”
Don’t Let Adrenaline Ambush You
As Tariq discovered, when you step onto the podium without grounding yourself, a rush of adrenaline can push you into overdrive. Your heart pounds faster. You breathe faster. And you talk faster—often to avoid the discomfort of standing in silence with all eyes on you.
But when you start speaking the moment you hit the stage, you neglect an important step: connecting—with both yourself and your audience. Think about it: You wouldn’t throw a ball at someone without ensuring they were ready to catch it. Why, then, would you start speaking without first establishing a connection with your audience?
So, connect first. Speak second.
Practice Makes Habit
Breaking the habit of launching into speaking without grounding yourself and connecting with others takes practice. Here’s how to start:
- In one-on-one conversations: Before you speak, take a deep breath and look the other person in the eye. Ground yourself in the moment.
- In small group settings: Choose someone who looks receptive and friendly. Make eye contact and connect with them first, with your eyes and heart, before speaking.
- At meetings or events: Observe how it feels to establish a strong non-verbal connection before you begin. The results may surprise you.
Your best teachers likely brought a noisy room to attention by standing in silence and meeting students’ eyes before speaking. They understood the value of connection and used it as a powerful tool to bridge the gap between speaker and audience. You can do the same.
The Benefits of Connecting First
Connecting before speaking creates a more meaningful and powerful experience for both you and your audience. It helps calm your nerves, grounds your presence, and ensures your message lands effectively.
So today, as you enter conversations, meetings, or presentations, remember: connect first, speak second. Let’s build bridges with every word we share.
Need help preparing for an important interview, or improving your executive presence? Let’s connect!
Eleni Kelakos, CSP The Speaker Whisperer®